Angel

Pray/Prey

Thu, 13 Mar 2003 18:49:23 GMT

Life is Funny sometimes....even mine.

Anger turns to Pain...Pain to Frustration..Frustration to Hate...Hate to Rage.

Vicious Cycle.

And to quote a line from a movie that I happen to enjoy,

"Some Motherfuckers are always trying to Ice Skate Up Hill." - Blade.

Human beings, I'm sorry to say, in general are not very humane. Please keep in mind, I am not referring to everyone in the whole wide world. That's over 6 Billion People.

No..I am referring to just 90% of them. Are you one of the 90% or one of the 10%? Do you have compassion or just the faux shadow of respect?

I know one Man who is a joke...one man who is more animal than human and more pathetic than worthwhile

To explain who I'm talking about, I heard from my sister last night..and exactly what I SUSPECTED would happen, happened. He threatened her. It will be a mistake he will come to regret for the rest of his life. People learn quickly that messing with my family is a bad Idea from any viewpoint. Ryan, I hope you realize exactly what You have brought upon yourself.

There is nothing I can currently do. That, however, will change with time...and it won't take much to find him if he tries to run.

And he will run...if he's smart.

Is he?

Only time will tell.

Drowning Inside my own Pool of Tears

Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:41:13 GMT

There's a wonderful thing that some of my species can do...

It's called Dreamscaping.

Now..this means two things, actually. In an actual dream, it means we can control the surroundings and the actions of anything in the dream, except another person who would be there with us. It also means we have the ability to Astral Project in our Sleep and go "elsewhere."

Not all of us can do this, mind you. Usually only the very old or the very powerful. There are, of course, Aberrations. Sometimes a Vampire is awakened with the ability almost immediately, and even some humans are capable of this, not to mention Other Posthuman races.

I never sleep anymore..not really. If I'm not passed out in slumber due to exhaustion, I'm usually projecting to another place. I have several "haunts", so to speak. Edinburgh, Scotland. Venice, Italy. New Orleans, Louisiana. And others. It's my enjoyment...my..escape, from my surroundings.

There was a time I slept. I slept peacefully. It was the only time I had ever been truely happy in every way. It was August of 2002. And my then beloved, Heather, was staying with me for 5 Days and 4 Nights. After we made love to candlelight and rested in each others arms, I slept so soundly. I slept enough to last me full measure through 6 eternities. Every night prior to her arrival, and every night after she left(for the duration of our time together as lovers) we met in the dream state...enjoyed hours of love and reverie...but I never slept.

And then she left me.

This was my "Familial Aunt" that I had spoken of before...once family...now forsaken because of betrayal. Since our time together she has jumped from man to man, getting hurt in the process and hurting others, and making me watch the entire time. She strung me along.

And still I know in my heart, that if she came to my door tomorrow and begged and pleaded forgiveness so that she may once again rest with me.......I would take her back without hesitation. Such is my curse. I loved...Love Her. I know no other way than this.

She has broken my little black heart and hurt me dearly countless times and still I would run back to her open arms in an instant.

Why?

I do not know.

There is no magic spell on me...no Charms. Nothing except my heart....or at least what remains of it.

I can move on with my "life." It's easier when I don't see her. When I see her or hear her voice in my head calling for me....or when I reflect and remember the nights we had together and her saying my name.....I still cry. Can a Vampire cry? It depends on how emotionally broken we are. It also depends on the kind of soul we have. I don't cry often...hell...rarely ever, in fact. She can make me cry.

She and I tried to be friends after she left me....but we'll never be friends. We'll Love, we'll shag, we'll fight, and we'll hate each other until it kills the both of us. But we'll never be friends. No matter how many times she says she doesn't love me or I say the same....we both know the other is lying. She still calls for me at night because no one can ever touch her the way I did, nor can anyone touch me as she did.

She was, and is, my Soulmate...and if I have to live forever without her...then I will.

But every night I still pray otherwise.

A Vampire moved to tears.

Lessons..

Tue, 11 Mar 2003 20:44:09 GMT

Night time is coming. It's just past 3 PM here.

My City. Philadelphia.

Situations since I last posted this message have worsened. My beloved sister has taken to staying with a known outcast amongst my kind. He is not a vampire. He is a leech on the underbelly of society. A Drug abuser. A pedophile.

Should he harm her, I will be forced to do what I must to protect my family... I will do to him what should have been done to him long before now. I will end his pitiful existance. It is Likely he will read this...I hope he does. I hope he does, because, he needs to know what will happen to him should she be hurt.

Vampires, by nature, are still "Demons" so to speak. The animal that is inside of us, that controls the rage of what we are, is our demon. We are Violent by Nature, but Calculating by Training. I am not a regularly Violent person, and I do not enjoy harming people...but I will when necessary to protect the ones I love.

So I sit here, pencil to paper, fingers to keyboard. There's nothing I can do right now...and it's making me very angry.

I don't like feeling Helpless....but right now....there is nothing I can do to help her.

Lately..

Tue, 11 Mar 2003 15:32:49 GMT

Well I suppose now is the time to bring you into what I call "My Life." A Funny play on words, if you will. I Am Alive...but I seldom feel that way. The world is cold to me. Dead. "Be Among them, but Not Of Them" as they once said.

Philadelphia. My current city of choice. This town thrives and writhes at night along the cold concrete walkways of South Street. Small shops line either side of the tight fitting 2 way drive. Sex Shops. Music Stores. Night Clubs and Bars. All lit up in picture perfect Neon under a wonderful opium moon.

I'm not the only Vampire that walks the streets of Philadelphia...

....just the one that enjoys it most.

I came to terms with what I am a long long time ago. A century? Maybe 5? Heh.

Vampires tend to congregate in small "Family" groups. No real relation, usually, but, Family none the less. My "Mother"(in which I only call her so because he physical appearance is older than mine) was with her husband in the Seattle, Washington area. My "sister", went from Boston to Pennsylvania on her way to North Carolina and then Florida. My "Uncle" stays in his local city in Illinois.....and we lost two others in the span of 6 months recently. My former Aunt and my former Brother. Both now taken by an illness known to us as "Traitorism."

They forsook the family and so we, in turn, have Forsaken them. They are alone now and forever. My dear "brother" will never be welcome back within my family. My "Aunt" can only hope to find her way back through attrition should she be willing to give it.

Since I am the eldest of my family, possibly the Eldest in the world, the responsibility falls on me to hold everyone together even when I'm falling apart. It's a responsibility I take great pride in. I do my part to keep us together...and they do theirs to keep me sane. This is not an easy task for them, mind you.

There are others in our Family...I've told you of my Sister Mary...my Mother Tammy...her Husband James...and my uncle William. There are others that are more distant...some that make appearances only as the mood takes them. Some we see more regularly.

They are my family...my mothers and my fathers..my aunts and uncles...my siblings....but still..overall...they are also my Children and it is my duty and my honor to protect and guide them.

Canto 1 : The Journey into Hell.

Wed, 26 Feb 2003 19:40:06 GMT

Welcome to my Journal.

You can call me Angel.

I am a Vampire. No...this is not a Joke, nor is it a Game or any other piece of Half-Gothic Fiction. Vampires exist.

We're Everywhere. Every major City. Every backwater town. In every facet of life, we exist. We are not monsters, as you might think. We do not follow the traits of Anne Rice or John Carpenter. We do not fit any specific Mold.

This Journal will document my life from this point forward. My life in the Preternatural Realm, the occult life I lead and all the facets of my life as what I am. Let's Start, Shall we?

To begin...I'd like to set aside a few rumors:

--Do Wooden Stakes Through the Heart Kill vampires? Yes. They do...as easily as it would kill anything else.

--Sunlight? It is...Unpleasant, though, not fatal. You will rarely see one of us without Sunglasses on during the day.

--Coffins? Ridiculous. I sleep in a Bed.

--Garlic? Holy Water? Utter Nonsense.

--Immortality? Ahh...and this is where we diverge from the realm of Physicality into the realm of the Spiritual. Immortality is true...in a sense. The Spirit, the Soul, cannot be destroyed and does not die. What we are is that soul, migrating from Host Body to Host Body over the courses of History. Flesh is Fragile. Souls and Being....these are forever for us. More on this at another time, perhaps.

The world we live in is not your world....but it is. We have alot of our own rules and our own standards and sense of Morality. We are not cold blooded killers. We do drink blood. It is a Necessity that cannot be avoided.

Many of my friends and I gather in a specific place often for discussion about random things at any given time.

This Journal Shall Chronicle my life.

Enjoy. And Visit Regularly so that you may see.

Rayven